ASSESSMENT AND SUPPORT
Controlling time in a story
Assessment Criteria and What A Good One Looks Like
Below you will find the Skill Check assessment criteria for this skill, and underneath you will find an example of what a good one looks like, with a brief explanation of how it fits the criteria.
Assessment Criteria for Controlling time in a story, including using timeshifts
minus
any of these things
Hardly anything written
Very poor accuracy or written expression
Gets the tense wrong if there is a timeshift required
Fails to convey the amount of time required, if an amount of time is specified
equals (just) to plus (secure)
all of these things
Suitable amount written with reasonable written expression
Switches to past perfect tense at the start of any required timeshift
Keeps time sufficiently slow or fast in order to convey the time, if an amount of time is specified.
Moves time forwards competently
star
all of these things
All the = criteria
General writing style is effective
Move time forwards/backwards effectively
What a good one looks like — slow-time
Example task
Read the story summary below and then complete the task underneath.
When Aaliya arrived at the party, she knew it was going to be hard work. None of her cousins seemed to be there, and the only other children were toddlers. She spent some time trailing her parents before sneaking off to a quiet room so she could look at her phone without being lectured. Her Instagram was full of photos of her friends having a much better time. She was so bored! Then the boy came in. He was the son of her auntie’s new boyfriend and they clicked immediately. On the way home from the party, scrolling through the boy’s Instagram in the car, she felt it was all worth it.
Write a section of the story summarised above in which 1 minute passes. You will need to use slow-time in your writing, but you mustn’t mention any specific units of time (e.g. seconds/minutes). Aim to write roughly 6-8 sentences.
Example response
Aaliya trudged through the trio of toddlers playing with toy cars in the hallway, her parents just ahead of her. As they passed the living room, she glanced inside. More toddlers there too, crawling around the Persian rug like rats or cockroaches. Whose children even were they? Aaliya continued into the kitchen, where her parents stopped to talk to some adults she didn’t know, and she took the opportunity to check her phone. Her Instagram was filled with photos of her friends from school at Ryan’s pool party, all looking glamorous and happy and popular.
“Put your phone away,” Aaliya’s mum growled. “You’re supposed to be spending time with family.”
Notes on this response
It takes the plot from the task, but slows the time down considerably, conveying around 1 minute of story-time, without mentioning any units of time.
To keep the story-time fairly short, it focusses on the protagonist’s thoughts, with a bit of description, but limited action.
It includes a bit of direct speech at the end — this is another useful way to keep story-time quite slow.
It’s written in 3rd person limited past tense, and uses devices like free indirect narration to make the writing more sophisticated.
It’s correctly paragraphed.
What a good one looks like — timeshift
Example task
Write a section of a story in which a girl of around your age is about to arrive at some kind of event. In your writing, use a short timeshift to convey why the girl is feeling a bit anxious. You need to write your story in the 3rd person limited, past tense. You can use multiple paragraphs, if you think you need to. Aim to write around 8 sentences.
Example response
As the car pulled up outside Melina’s house, Betty felt her pulse quicken. She could see her mum smiling in the front of the car; at least one of them was happy about this party. Betty stared at the doorway, her seatbelt still fastened, and recalled the last time she had come to Melina’s house, two years earlier.
She’d been invited to her 12th birthday party by Melina’s mum, who knew her mum from yoga class, and she’d worn her best party dress — the one her mum said was so pretty. So when Melina answered the door in jeans and a vest top, a smirk plastered all over her beautiful face, Betty had almost burst into tears. She’d never been more embarrassed in her life.
At least today she was appropriately dressed, Betty thought. And that was two years ago — maybe Melina didn’t even remember? No: girls like Melina never forgot.
Notes on this response
This is 9 sentences long, so the right kind of length (it could be even shorter).
It uses past tense 3rd person limited narrative voice.
It fits the task: it’s about a teen girl arriving at an event and feeling anxious.
It has a short timeshift (3 sentences long) that explains the anxiety.
The timeshift takes place in its own short paragraph, with a clear return to the present timeline (“At least today…”) afterwards, in a new paragraph.
The tense changes in the timeshift from past to past perfect (“She’d been invited”, etc).
The writing is generally sophisticated, with plenty of complex sentence structures and devices like free indirect narration.